I’m here instead of on a much-needed vacation with my husband this week. I was so looking forward to being pampered in the mountains at one of the most gorgeous hotels in the country, but I’m with the kids this week instead – and that’s okay.
I was so touched out last week. I spent an entire Saturday avoiding my family and working upstairs just to have alone time. I was counting the moments to escape.
But here I am. I am home, while the husband is away for his work conference. I was a bit sad at first, but as the fire roars, all the children sleep, and the wine flows, I can look back on the last few days and feel like a mother fucking rockstar.
That’s right, I said it. I have rocked 4 days so far, with 2 days more to go. We have homeschooled, attended any indoor activity acceptable for -20 degree temperatures, bickered, and read by the fire.
That last bit is what brings me to this post.
The days don’t hit a rough patch until that mid-evening-I-need-wine hour, and then, when I realize that there will be no backup, and that I have to single-handedly get FIVE babies to sleep.
My babies are my heart. I have always had a hard time envisioning them growing up, but somehow, I have blinked and a few of them have. Scarlett is almost 8 ½ years old. She is reading chapter books and designing her dream clothing boutique. She sells girls scout cookies, checks her teeth every night for cavities, daydreams of unicorns, and loves every color in the rainbow. She also clears the dinner table, rocks the baby, and reads to her until she is asleep. Scarlett is not a baby anymore.
John and I joked last week that our work was basically done; that she is as grown as she is going to get as far as the parenting side goes. From this point on, she will take everything that has been engrained in her and use it to better herself – or make mistakes – whatever (I’m realistic). But taking a step back and watching her step up to help me out while her dad is out of town just blows my mind. Scarlett Ann, our baby girl, is not little anymore.
I write this because I know you may be seeing this in your own home. This tiny being that you created is all of a sudden NOT a baby. She isn’t a toddler or even a little kid – she’s a full grown child. She has her own thoughts and opinions. If you look close enough, you can almost see the future.
Hanging out with my first born is starting to take on a new role. We are and will always be mother and daughter, but we are becoming actual friends. We are sharing stories and ideas. We ask questions and give ridiculous answers. The dynamic of the relationship is growing in new ways, as it should. I just didn’t notice it.
Tonight, I came downstairs after putting the littlest boys to bed and I found Scarlett reading books to Baby Veda. Veda was watching her and giggling like crazy. It’s almost as if I was gifted this tiny window of time in which I had both the baby and the child in the same moment to myself. I remember when Scarlett was as tiny as Veda is now, and I almost cried. But I didn’t. I smiled. It’s time to start the next chapter of life with her. She’s ready, and so am I…
They don’t stay little forever – they blossom and grow and turn into real people…. good people… beautiful, world-changing people.