Isn’t life a funny, unscripted shit-show?
At least in my family it is.
I’ve been a bit MIA because I’m a true rollercoaster of emotions over here, but this post isn’t meant to just be a rambling of my crazy circus-style life. It is meant to help others who may find themselves changing their minds and feeling almost insane because of it. Perhaps my methods may help you sort out your back and forth…
Over the recent months, I have finally started feeling like my normal, motivated, genuinely happy, pre-surprise-baby #5 self. Maybe it’s my hormones finally balancing out. Veda is barely nursing anymore; my cycle has started back after 11+ years of pregnancy and breastfeeding (literally, no cycle for over a decade). I think my body is reclaiming itself – with my mind becoming the star of the show.
It’s quite freeing to feel like me again.
Along with the fog completely clearing, I am finding myself at a crossroads with our upcoming move. I have fought the midwest for 2.5 years. I have built a wall around myself, guarding from deeper friendships, and disconnecting from so much here. I blamed the winter. The winter is brutal, and my Florida blood just doesn’t enjoy it. I have Raynuad’s disease (autoimmune) where my fingers and toes lose circulation and experience incredible pain when they are cold. It happens even at the grocery store, so the extreme temperatures here have made my love of the outdoors turn into a fear of any temperatures below 50 degrees – which of course is more than half the year. More than the winter, though – my attitude is probably mostly to blame. But, there is beauty everywhere here. There are genuinely good people who I would love to welcome into my life on a regular basis and not just as friends in passing. We have built a life here, and it is wonderful. Our children are thriving in all aspects, too.
This leads me to a new place. This leads me to wondering what it would be like if we stayed longer.
When we were in Virginia, we wanted to stay forever. We knew moving was what was needed, though, for John to continue his upward career growth. However, in Omaha, there is potential for many projects to continue that growth.
I’m torn, you all. I’m torn.
So here I sit, my mind pulling me in a direction I have sworn off for the past 2 years.
When You Think You’ve Changed Your Mind
My husband thinks I’m riding the crazy train right now, but here’s what I’m doing to sort out my thoughts on our future… Perhaps my methods may help you figure out your confused state.
Personal Pro Con List
Selfishly, I am starting here. I have to sort out what I like and dislike about this situation.
Family Pro Con List
I will then recruit my kids and ask them to create a list of their own. While most big decisions fall on the adults, it’s nice to at least include the kids and hear their thoughts.
We are packing our bags and taking a quick road trip this weekend. It’s time to start exploring a bit more out here, and some quality family time is needed to stay connected and focus on the most important parts of life.
Getting away with your kids can be a great distraction from the weight of your decision. It can remind you to live in the moment and have fun. It can bring you back to the reality of it all – that in the end, this family is what’s important.
Adults’ Only Getaway
Next month, while we have family in town, John and I are going to escape for a few days. It will give us more than the few minutes we get at home of uninterrupted conversation.
A quick trip together can be fun, of course, but it can also grant you the time you need to breathe and absorb your thoughts – and your partner’s thoughts.
If you are anything like me, sweating it out helps everything.
There are times to be selfish, and times to look deep at why you are being selfish. This is a time for me to let go and learn about myself. I find myself praying for peace and trust in what choices we make. There is no wrong answer for our family, but that doesn’t make it less difficult.
I have no idea what will happen in the near future, and it has been eating me up — but I’m hoping I can come to a solid state of peace about it all… but for now, my pro-list is greatly outweighing the con-list.